So I got down to the terminal commands to see what's up and found the error. It said
Cannot load 32-bit SWT libraries on 64-bit JVM
So... whatever, if you just find the right .jar and sub it in, you're probably good to go. This is true! Take
from here. Unzip it and place the SWT jar in
wiping out the SWT you have.
Then it will start just fine! The Java version is not pretty, but it does work on your real .psafe3 files. Definitely better than starting a VirtualBox every time you need a password...